I know that I’m really in the painting zone when I want to listen to the same song on repeat over and over again for an hour or more. I think the emotion that the song provides really strikes a cord. I want to stay present in that moment. I always want to get to that place where I feel a place of refuge. “Death With Dignity” by Sufjan Stevens was one of those songs that I started to listen to when I was making my mural a “A Kaleidoscope of Hidden Worlds” 3 years ago. That song represents a lot for me in overcoming challenging obstacles. Beginning when you don’t how to begin or where to start and when you think you can’t do it. The fear can enable momentum on its own and new channels of strength can open up. This song has such special meaning to me. I don’t even think I really heard the lyrics until I’ve been listening to it for more than a year and looked up the lyrics online. It’s different to read the words on the screen versus listening to the song.
A Kaleidoscope of Hidden Worlds, 14 ft x 110 ft, Fullerton & Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, Illinois
Death With Dignity song lyrics -
Spirit of my silence I can hear you, but I'm afraid to be near you
And I don't know where to begin
And I don't know where to begin
Somewhere in the desert there's a forest, and an acre before us
But I don't know where to begin
But I don't know where to begin
Again I lost my strength completely, oh be near me tired old mare
With the wind in your hair
Amethyst and flowers on the table, is it real or a fable?
Well I suppose a friend is a friend
And we all know how this will end
Chimney swift that finds me be my keeper, silhouette of the cedar
What is that song you sing for the dead
What is that song you sing for the dead
I see the signal searchlight strike me, in the window of my room
Well I got nothing to prove
Well I got nothing to prove
I forgive you mother I can hear you, and I long to be near you
But every road leads to an end
Yes every road leads to an end
Your apparition passes through me, in the willows and five red hens
You'll never see us again
You'll never see us again
Detail of Lost Lens.
As I finished the painting Lost Lens earlier this year I was listening to “Hungry Eyes” by Eric Carmen from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. It’s one of my favorite soundtracks AND movies. I actually danced along like I was in the movie alone in my studio at that moment. I have the dance memorized in my head. I think songs ESPECIALLY great ones come again and again to impact our lives and offer inspirations. I even might do a dance video with the painting as it just the best feeling ever. Finish a painting is like having hungry eyes. You have permission to have good feelings during these unprecedented times in the quarantine. Be a light.
Hungry Eyes song lyrics -
I've been meaning to tell you
I've got this feelin' that won't subside
I look at you and I fantasize
You're mine and tonight
Now I've got you in my sights
With these hungry eyes
One look at you and I can't disguise
I've got hungry eyes
I feel the magic between you and I
I want to hold you so hear me out
I want to show you what love's all about
Darling tonight
Now I've got you in my sights
With these hungry eyes
One look at you and I can't disguise
I've got hungry eyes
I feel the magic between you and I
With these hungry eyes
Now I've got you in my sights
With these hungry eyes
Now did I take you by surprise
I need you to see
This love was meant to be
I've got hungry eyes
One look at you and I can't disguise
I've got hungry eyes
I feel the magic between you and I
I've got hungry eyes
Now I've got you in my sights
With the hungry eyes
Now did I take you by surprise?
With my hungry eyes
With my hungry eyes
Now I've got you in my sights
With my hungry eyes
16 weeks of Daily Drawings, studio view, 2020.
I've been using this time of quarantine to develop my art and the focus of my practice has pivoted to be more experimental. Since my shows/projects were postponed (just like everyone else) until next year it's a good time to try some new things. 2020 is a year of trying to work through the anxiety and painful world we are now living in. I feel compelled to do something different even though I'm still digesting what is going on in the world. I am amazed at the ability of art to help to cope with uncertain times. I use art creation as a symbol of hope. I try to look for silver linings each day even if they are small. Being an artist is all about being vulnerable and trying to be comfortable with failures. There are always failures. I think artists are good at adapting and being resilient. Even if there are days I wonder what good it is to make. I've been taking refuge in all my failures before I try again. I remain committed to my vision, belief in my work, and focus on being genuine.
For now I’ve wrapped up the Daily Drawing project after 16 weeks. I’m planning to go back in and rework some of the pieces, as many seem unresolved to me. A pile of starts that may or may not lead somewhere
One thing I believe that artists are good at adapting to new situations. Create, know your value, believe in your vision, and repeat over and over again. Every road leads to an end but we can use the time that we have. Art can enable healing in these times where we need the relief more than ever. This is an opportunity for a glimmer optimism. We can explore limitations within our space and look for what we have. We all have something. I try to begin in a place of possibility, as I believe we all have something to offer. I will keep going back to this moment of zen to reset, recharge, and repeat. This is the visualization that I hold near my heart. What songs create your moments of zen?
TAKE REFUGE, RECHARGE, and REPEAT.